Melbourne in a Weekend
- cazphillips2
- Oct 7
- 7 min read
Recently the Favourite Husband celebrated a birthday, and as a special gift "I" took us to Melbourne for a long weekend. (See what I did there?)
Now I’ve never been to Melbourne, but I only hear good things about it. Plus everyone and their dog seem to have been so I was having serious FOMO. The Favourite Husband had previously been. 42 years ago he arrived there with his belongings in a backpack and no plan. Not much has changed.
Weirdly (and a sad reflection on our national carrier) it worked out cheaper to fly to Melbourne than it did to fly to the South Island here in New Zealand, so technically I was saving us money.
We travelled on Thursday, and with the 3-hour time difference we arrived Thursday late afternoon. To utter chaos. Melbourne arrivals is currently going through a major upgrade and it seemed that we arrived with somewhere in the region of 367 other flights. Herded into what essentially was just a corridor, things seemed to grind to a halt as everyone tried to converge on six kiosks. The problem being that nobody realised there were six until they were at the first, hence a complete funnel neck. Not helped by my impeccable track record of choosing to stand behind the one person guaranteed not to understand how a queue works, and just stands immobilised, blocking everyone from progressing. It wasn’t long before I was tired and cranky. Thankfully my enormous handbag came in handy to prevent people from pushing in though.
It was then no surprise to find another long queue to get through customs, where, you guessed it; we were sent down the red aisle of doom to have our bags and ourselves go through extra security screening. Obviously, this could only have been down to the dubious appearance of two fairly average, retirement aged, bickering old buggers.
Approaching Melbourne from the freeway
Melbourne has a fantastic public transport system, but as I now needed a cocktail more than I needed to save my pennies, we opted for a taxi.
We were staying at the Crowne Plaza in the Southbank/Docklands area of Melbourne. First impressions were favourable, the hotel is right by the Yarra River and boasts a café, bar and restaurant, gym and heated pool. Our room didn’t have the “city view” we had been promised, but by the time we were settled I didn’t raise it.
Thursday was pretty much straight to bed and although we think Melbourne “is only 4 hours away” it actually took us all day from where we live.
Friday morning and we adopted our usual tactics of up and at ‘em. Why would you relax and do nothing when you could walk 30,000 steps and spend 9 hours on your feet right? We started with breakfast at a café/pub called Henry and the Fox. And what a great start to the day it was, outstanding food and exceptional coffee according to HRH the coffee connoisseur himself.
Thoroughly replenished we set off on foot again to basically wander, with a vague plan to see Finders Street Station, St. Paul’s Cathedral and the Queen Victoria Market. (I spent the entire weekend trying to get us to Melbourne Old Gaol, but we never did make it!) The architecture in Melbourne is stunning, I so miss historical buildings, and with the wide streets and green trees everywhere the city has such a nice feel to it. Sadly St Paul’s was closed when we were there, it opens at 10am, and well worth a visit I’m sure.
Constructed in the 1880’s, it is Victoria’s most visited religious site. Just not by us today.
Flinders Street Station is an iconic Melbourne landmark, again due to its impressive architecture. It is Australia’s oldest train station and designed in a classic Edwardian style, backing on to the Yarra River. Apparently there is a Melbourne statement “I’ll meet you under the clocks” which refers to the clocks at the entrance indicating the next train departures from the various platforms.
And then it was on to Queen Victoria Market. Covering over 17 acres, Victoria Market is the largest open market in the Southern hemisphere. We spent over an hour and a half here and could have stayed longer. There is such a variety of stalls and food and drink. We had a beautiful day for it and stayed for a sugar fix of donuts as fuel for the afternoon.
Fun Fact; It turns out the market was actually built over the site of the Old Melbourne Cemetery, which was the first British cemetery to be established in Melbourne. It was a cemetery for many of Melbourne's early settlers, including the founder of the city; John Batman. Which ruined my theory that Melbourne’s Batman Park was named after the superhero and proved I'd wasted my morning shouting "To the Bat Cave Robin" at every available opportunity. Every day's a learning day.
After a walk down the Yarra River promenade back to the hotel for a refresh, we were off to the Crown Towers and Plaza for the evening. It is an impressive “resort” style plaza combining luxury hotel accommodation, award winning restaurants, food courts, an extremally smart casino, luxury shopping and riverfront bars.
We were dining at the highly rated buffet style restaurant Conservatory. Thank goodness I’d made an effort and worn a pretty frock as people were dressed up to the nines, and why not. The food was outstanding, which shouldn’t come as a surprise.
Melbourne is famous for its food, and my waistline is living proof—a monument to every pastry, cocktail and donut that’s crossed my path. With every turn, the city seemed to offer up another smorgasbord of temptation, as if Melbourne itself were determined to make my button up jeans redundant. The cafés whispered sweet nothings of passionfruit pannacotta, Chinatown restaurant windows practically begged us to taste “just one more” delicacy, resistance was futile. Each meal was a taste sensation, each snack a questionable life choice, justified by the sheer joy of eating with ill-advised abandon. After all, when you’re clocking up 30,000 steps, surely it’s only reasonable to balance things out with three desserts before dinner. By the time we get home, I have every suspicion the scales will gasp in horror, but at least I’ll have delicious memories—and possibly a donut-shaped shadow trailing behind me.
After a successful flutter in the casino, it was back to the Crowne with an “e” to stash my $5.38 winnings in the safe and sleep off the 27-course meal.
Saturday we were off again and started the day with breakfast at Ten Square Café, not our usual type of fare, but nice all the same. From here we visited Carlton Gardens, specifically to see the Royal Exhibition Building. Erected in 1879-1880 to house the largest international exhibition of its time. Tours of the building can be booked and include the dome promenade. The Great Hall is used for exams by various Melbourne secondary schools alongside Melbourne University, it is also used for exhibitions and festivals and was used as a vaccination centre in the 2020 Covid pandemic. Melbourne Museum sits directly behind the Royal Exhibition Building, but we didn’t have time for the museum.
We didn’t have time for the Museum as we needed to hot foot it back down to the river for our one-hour boat tour. It was scenic and informative and extremely hot. What our guide didn’t know about the bridges across the river (stifles yawn) you could write on the back of a postage stamp.
Following the excitement of our bridges of Melbourne history lesson, it seemed most fitting that we resort to our tried and tested plan of sitting down and eating. Which we did at Afloat.
Afloat Melbourne is a kind of beach club on the river. A small beach club, but it’s just lovely. You are literally floating on the river and there's a choice of all different seating areas, including sun loungers and even a shallow pool to cool off in. We sat right by the edge watching the boats go by and the beautiful people dining. The food was nice, the service was good, but the setting and the vibe was outstanding. Tempting as it was to wrestle the young and the beautiful off the sun loungers and stay there all afternoon, I needed to reapply sunscreen and change into something cooler. The weather was so good to us this weekend, despite the forecast having initially been overcast and breezy. Of course the Favourite Husband, always one to show concern for my wellbeing, did suggest I jump in the pool in my undies to cool off, but in the absence of a towel I decided against it.
Well-fed and sun kissed a brief recharge and quick change of clothes back at the hotel was called for. Following which we were off again. You couldn’t visit Melbourne and not travel on a tram, plus I had it in my head that I wanted to buy some more summery clothing, I had after all saved us money by not travelling to the South Island back home. So, we negotiated the tram to the nearest shopping mall and I am now the proud owner of a highly impractical pair of shorts purchased from a store with the word “girl” in its name. “You’re a girl” the Favourite Husband boldly declared, “a 55 year old girl.” So, then encouraged, I bought a dress too, that’ll teach him.
Time was ticking on, so it was cocktail o’clock back on the Docklands side, followed by another, less successful, trip to the casino and dinner. Never visit Melbourne without staying out late to enjoy the music, the lights and the buzz.
Melbourne seems to glide stylishly and effortlessly from morning to night, with an unrivalled energy and more style than my dog in his Christmas collar. It’s busy and it’s vibrant, it has history alongside modern flair, it is chic and cool and it’s filled my cup.
Can’t wait to revisit. We may even make it to the old gaol next time …